or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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