Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
