Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
