Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
so much tequila, so little girl.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
God I need to hump something, right now.
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