Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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