I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
