he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I intend to get homeless drunk
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
