Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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