He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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