Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
