I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
