Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
