I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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