Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
