i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
