I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
