Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
