Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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