just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
