All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
