found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
