I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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