Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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