watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
