I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
