don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
