Umm I'm too high to move.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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