He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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