i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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