Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
