Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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