I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
