I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I need to sanitize my soul.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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