As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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