You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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