I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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