There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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