i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
