6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
