Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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