She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
