I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
