you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
