Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
