i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
