i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
