i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
