I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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