I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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