it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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